Happy Hallows Eve, dear readers! I decided that since Halloween was this week, I'd save my post until then(okay, I actually forgot on Tuesday, and made this decision Wednesday, but so what?) And what a Halloween it was! It was exactly what Halloween is supposed to be: Getting sugary food-stuffs with your friends in a costume that, however fun, you would never wear on a normal day.
I loved my friends! One of them was also my sister, but I'm allowed to be friends with my sister! Anyway, we decided to use code names, as to not become targets for rapists and stalkers. I was Kaylie, my sister was Savannah, and my other friends were Ember and Sam. And it was the funnest October 31 I can remember! I love you guys! Here's to more beautiful moments together!
Savannah, my dear little sister, you can always come to me for everything. I know you already knew that, and that fact should just have been supported by the laughing and fun we experienced together tonight. You can come to any of us with your problems, especially me. I'll love you forever, no matter what you do or say. You are the best little sister a girl could have.
Ember! We've been friends for so long, I can't believe we're in high school already! I'm glad you decided to come with us. You are one of the few people I can open up to, and you know almost all my secrets. I've trusted you with things I would never trust anyone else with. I hope we will be friends for many years to come, if not forever. Who ever said 'Till death do us part' only applied to married couples never had a friend as good as you.
My dear Sam! Out of the three, I've know you for the shortest time, but I still love you just as much as Savannah and Ember. You're hillarious, and I hope you never change. Since I've met you, you've changed me for the better. I hope to see you as much as possible in the coming years. Everyone needs on person in their life who can make them laugh when they're on the verge of tears. For me, that's you. I love how you defend your opinions, and don't care if we don't agree. Two years together, a lifetime to go! Life will never be boring while your around!
Oh my gosh, this is getting me choked up! The three of you are such beautiful people, I hope that we will be friends for all of our lives, and that those lives are long and as beautiful as our friendship, and as your hearts. And a quick note: just because I said something about one person, doesn't mean it only applies to them. You're all welcome to come to me with problems, as I'm comforable sharing my problems with you. You're all capable of bringing my back from that pit of depression I so often get trapped in. And most of all, I hope we are all friends for ever and a day! I believe this is the perfect moment to start a poem:
Even when death does our friendship part
We will all stay in the others' hearts.
Good-bye, and happy Halloween to all the beautiful people in the world! I hope all of you who read this can see one of your friends in at least on of the beautiful people above.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Why Are My Wings Transparent?
Besides the fact my life is uneventful right now, I thought I should offer a bit of an explanation of what this blog is, so that I'm not judged by my sob story last week. So...why do I have wings, and why are they transparent? What is this blog about? Is this girls as emo as her blog-title sounds? Will this chick EVER make her layout less boring?
Well, first of all, I'm going to add a background or something as soon as I post this. In fact, since nobody knows about this blog(that I know of, at least), I'll probably have a layout by the time someone reads this. I'll start out with a simple backgound, and add something else later on.
Anyway, 'Transparent Wings' is a blog about my life. I update it on Tuesdays, and maybe other days if I really need to talk about something. It may seem a bit depressing sometimes, but that's not my fault. I'm one of those people who bad news seems to follow. Really, who isn't like that sometimes? And besides that, I may be depressed, though nothing has been proven yet. Anyway, I'll try my best to have the sad posts be followed up by a week or two of good, but that's entirely out of my control.
I chose 'Transparent Wings' because I feel that certain types of wings often illistrate things in pictures. Now, nodody that I know of really has wings, but I think that everyone has a pair of metaphorical wings that change depending on what they're thinking. I, for instance, think that I have feathery angel wings when I'm helping people, or trying to help the world. I have dark blue fairy wings when I'm sad, and feel like I just want to fly away and become someone else, but they turn a lighter, icy blue when I'm feeling creative. When I'm thinking even thoughts, such as planning revenge or killing off a character in a fanfic, I have pointy devil wings(who didn't see that coming?). But, since nobody can see them, they are transparent. And I thought about how my blog title sounds a bit emo when I named it, but I like it. It gives me all kinds of ideas for layout designs and stuff.
Anyway, hope I didn't bore you! If anyone reads this, please at least leave a comment! I'd like to know that somebody is reading these words, so that I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't care who you are, any readers are welcome! Thanks for reading!
Well, first of all, I'm going to add a background or something as soon as I post this. In fact, since nobody knows about this blog(that I know of, at least), I'll probably have a layout by the time someone reads this. I'll start out with a simple backgound, and add something else later on.
Anyway, 'Transparent Wings' is a blog about my life. I update it on Tuesdays, and maybe other days if I really need to talk about something. It may seem a bit depressing sometimes, but that's not my fault. I'm one of those people who bad news seems to follow. Really, who isn't like that sometimes? And besides that, I may be depressed, though nothing has been proven yet. Anyway, I'll try my best to have the sad posts be followed up by a week or two of good, but that's entirely out of my control.
I chose 'Transparent Wings' because I feel that certain types of wings often illistrate things in pictures. Now, nodody that I know of really has wings, but I think that everyone has a pair of metaphorical wings that change depending on what they're thinking. I, for instance, think that I have feathery angel wings when I'm helping people, or trying to help the world. I have dark blue fairy wings when I'm sad, and feel like I just want to fly away and become someone else, but they turn a lighter, icy blue when I'm feeling creative. When I'm thinking even thoughts, such as planning revenge or killing off a character in a fanfic, I have pointy devil wings(who didn't see that coming?). But, since nobody can see them, they are transparent. And I thought about how my blog title sounds a bit emo when I named it, but I like it. It gives me all kinds of ideas for layout designs and stuff.
Anyway, hope I didn't bore you! If anyone reads this, please at least leave a comment! I'd like to know that somebody is reading these words, so that I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't care who you are, any readers are welcome! Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
She's Changing Too Fast
One of my best friends is a year older than me. I thought I would be happy when I came to the high school, because we'd be in the same school, like we had been the first year of our friendship. But things changed over the summer. She began doing things Freshman and Sophmores probably shouldn't do. It began to hurt to be near her, but hurt too much to let her go. But in no way was I ready for what she told me today in school.
In 9 monthes, I will be an aunt. Not biologically, but in heart. We were so close, that what it meant to me.
My best friend is 15. She can't drive. She lives with her parents. When she come to my house, one thing she always does, or use to do, at least, was play Barbies with my sister. And she's pregnant.
For a while, I've been wishing things could go back to the way they were when we met. We use to sleep over at each others houses almost every weekend possible. We would do each others hair and make-up, play with Barbies, and stay up late watching Next. When there was a dance in school, that one year we both went to the middle school, we went together, so that neither of us would have to be alone. We told each other everything. The first two people to find out about the fact that I cut were my sister, and her. We called each other's moms as if they were our own, refering to the others as our second mom. And I was happy at her house.
All that changed last summer. The downhill roll started when she told me she had lost her virginity. I couln't believe it. I am against pre-marital sex, but she was my friend. What could I do? Tell her to get it back, somehow? Yell at her? Stop being friends? I couldn't, but she knew I didn't like it, so she didn't make a big deal about it. Then, later, I found out she was smoking as well. Her parents were okay with it, actually giving her the cigarettes. But since she knew I wouldn't like it, she promised to to smoke around me.
It all came crashing down shortly before school started. We decided to have one last sleepover before school started. If I could, I would take back that night, and never go. Maybe I could have at least saved myself some grief.
I should have known things would go sour when she was smoking when I got there, violating both her parents rules of not smoking in her room, and her promise to me. But I didn't mind, really. I was here to have fun, and wouldn't let my veiws ruin it. She was also on the phone with a guy in Utah whom she was intoduced to over the phone by another friend. She considered him her boyfriend, and had me talk to him for a bit. He had a friend who lived with him, who they decided would be my 'boyfriend'. And I agreed. I've always been too easy to push around. Over the time I was at her house that night, we spent most of the time on the phone with the guys, talking about things that make me blush. I felt bad the whole time, knowing this was wrong, and finally exploded the next morning when her sister pointed this out. I was glad to go home, hoping I could be away from the 18-year-olds from Utah, but I wasn't. She did a 3-way call with them and me that night, and they used it to get my number, and called me twice the next day, before finally making it end.
I found out something else that night at her house as well: She had done marajuana with a friend a year younger than me.
Everything was okay after that, conpared to what had happened, up until today. When she told me I was going to be an aunt, that she was pregnant, I snapped inside, and used all my energy not to show her. I realized the reason I was so unconfortable around her nowadays was because she was changing. Changing too fast. Too fast for me to keep up, not that I wanted to take the same road anyway. In a metaphor, I'm standing on a road of normal life, not good nor bad, taking a pleasant stroll, watching my friend run down the path to early adulthood, much regret, and perhaps an early death. I want so much to throw down a rope, bring her to my road, and have everything be normal, but it's too late. She's too far down the road, and I may never cross the same path as her again.
I wish my friend would slow down, be as naive as I try to stay, but I know that soon, she'll be over the horizon, and not be able to turn back. And I'll have to accept that. I love my friend like a sister, but life may force us apart, because her choices scare me to the point that even a chain of sisterly love may not be strong enough to hold us together.
In 9 monthes, I will be an aunt. Not biologically, but in heart. We were so close, that what it meant to me.
My best friend is 15. She can't drive. She lives with her parents. When she come to my house, one thing she always does, or use to do, at least, was play Barbies with my sister. And she's pregnant.
For a while, I've been wishing things could go back to the way they were when we met. We use to sleep over at each others houses almost every weekend possible. We would do each others hair and make-up, play with Barbies, and stay up late watching Next. When there was a dance in school, that one year we both went to the middle school, we went together, so that neither of us would have to be alone. We told each other everything. The first two people to find out about the fact that I cut were my sister, and her. We called each other's moms as if they were our own, refering to the others as our second mom. And I was happy at her house.
All that changed last summer. The downhill roll started when she told me she had lost her virginity. I couln't believe it. I am against pre-marital sex, but she was my friend. What could I do? Tell her to get it back, somehow? Yell at her? Stop being friends? I couldn't, but she knew I didn't like it, so she didn't make a big deal about it. Then, later, I found out she was smoking as well. Her parents were okay with it, actually giving her the cigarettes. But since she knew I wouldn't like it, she promised to to smoke around me.
It all came crashing down shortly before school started. We decided to have one last sleepover before school started. If I could, I would take back that night, and never go. Maybe I could have at least saved myself some grief.
I should have known things would go sour when she was smoking when I got there, violating both her parents rules of not smoking in her room, and her promise to me. But I didn't mind, really. I was here to have fun, and wouldn't let my veiws ruin it. She was also on the phone with a guy in Utah whom she was intoduced to over the phone by another friend. She considered him her boyfriend, and had me talk to him for a bit. He had a friend who lived with him, who they decided would be my 'boyfriend'. And I agreed. I've always been too easy to push around. Over the time I was at her house that night, we spent most of the time on the phone with the guys, talking about things that make me blush. I felt bad the whole time, knowing this was wrong, and finally exploded the next morning when her sister pointed this out. I was glad to go home, hoping I could be away from the 18-year-olds from Utah, but I wasn't. She did a 3-way call with them and me that night, and they used it to get my number, and called me twice the next day, before finally making it end.
I found out something else that night at her house as well: She had done marajuana with a friend a year younger than me.
Everything was okay after that, conpared to what had happened, up until today. When she told me I was going to be an aunt, that she was pregnant, I snapped inside, and used all my energy not to show her. I realized the reason I was so unconfortable around her nowadays was because she was changing. Changing too fast. Too fast for me to keep up, not that I wanted to take the same road anyway. In a metaphor, I'm standing on a road of normal life, not good nor bad, taking a pleasant stroll, watching my friend run down the path to early adulthood, much regret, and perhaps an early death. I want so much to throw down a rope, bring her to my road, and have everything be normal, but it's too late. She's too far down the road, and I may never cross the same path as her again.
I wish my friend would slow down, be as naive as I try to stay, but I know that soon, she'll be over the horizon, and not be able to turn back. And I'll have to accept that. I love my friend like a sister, but life may force us apart, because her choices scare me to the point that even a chain of sisterly love may not be strong enough to hold us together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)