Homework Is Dumb, Not Us!

Blah. My sister's mad at ME because I don't know what she's supposed to do on her homework. My YOUNGER sister. Who's homework is supposed to be EASIER than mine. I tried to help her, but I wasn't doing it right, and she got mad. So, does that mean I'm stupid? Or is the homework she's doing stupid?
She has to explain how she knows a certain 2 squares are similar. I personally thought she sis that pretty well. She just said that she knew because the scale factors were the same. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Her teacher wants her to show why using stupid equations that she doesn't even understand how to use.
Now, I was starting to think about something. Don't all of us usually end up with homework we don't understand, and get bad grades on it because of it? Is that Our fault. No. It's the teacher's fault, if anyone's, because they're supposed to explain it in a way everyone will understand. But they give some generic explanation that maybe 3 people will get, give out homework, and then explect everyone to do it perfectly. Don't get me wrong, some teachers are GREAT helping people understand. My Algebra teacher (let's codename him "Mr. Tom" for reasons I'll explain easily for my real life friend, and him if he happens to read this) is great with helping us understand. His examples start very easy, and get a teensy bit harder as we go along, but only enough that we're challenged, but not overwhelmed. Plus, he's funny, and the students like him. In fact, 'Mr. Tom' is one of the favorite teachers in the school. And you can't help but learn a lot when you like the teacher. But other teachers aren't so good in the help-me-understand department. It's teachers like that that make me miss the days where you hand in your homework and get 100% just for doing it, and then the teacher uses it to make sure you understand and are doing it right. In those not-so-distant times, if you didn't understand, you got helped instead of punished. THAT was fair!
Anyway, thank you for listening to my ramble. I know the last thing some of you want to hear about is homework. But we all have to do it, or at least had to if you're not in school anymore (to those who graduated and have jobs: LUCKY DOGS!!!), so just bare with me for this week, and I'll be back to just whatever next week. If I can think of something. Because these annoying rambles usually occur when my life is OMIGOSH! super uber boring. So bye! Teh fabulous Kaylie will be back next Tuesday(because I didn't have time to make to post on the right day this week).

PS. If you really do know me in real life, don't look for your name. I give everyone code names to respect their privacy. Believe it or not, SOME PEOPLE don't want thier names all over the 'net for greasy old rapist to find! Toodles! ;)

Repeat Preformance...?

Ever look at someone you know, see what they're going through, and get worried they will make the same mistakes as you, have the same crappy life as you, ect.? If you never have, good for you. I envy you for not having to watch someone tread the same dangerous road as you, and want so badly to save them, but don't know how. But for those of you who have, you may see yourself in my post today. Because I'm seriously worried about my sister's future, in comparison to mine.
I'm struggling with depression. I'm a cutter, and I cry a lot. I'm not 'emo.' Just because I have problems, doesn't mean I'm like every other person with those problems. Walking down the street, you'd never know these things about me. I act happy, and try to dress so that I look normal. But you can see the sadness in my eyes. It's that puppy-dog look people sometimes get when they're trying hard to look normal on the outside, but are begging for help on the inside. I try talking to my mom, but it doesn't always help. It's not that I don't like talking to her, or that it doesn't make me feel better, it's just that I feel like I have to be careful about what I confess, so that she won't worry about me.
I think I'm pretty close to overcoming it, but then I look at my sister. She hasn't started doing anything drastic as I do sometimes, like cutting, or considering running away or suicide, and I hope she never does. But she does have some of the traits I had when I started down that ugly, dangerous dirt path of depression. She's being distant, and she's easy to anger. She actually thinks my mom cares more about me than her, a thought I remember having, vice-versed, when I first attempted suicide. We live in a very close family, a family that is a lot like those on old-fashion TV shows when everyone's in a good mood. So that's why I feel the way I do, or why she's showing warning signs. I'm praying I'm wrong about this. But if I am right, I pray that she will come to me to talk like I use to when my problems started.

PS, Sorry this was late. I was sort of busy this week. I promise it will be on time on Monday!

Finally Over!

It's finally Tuesday! Not only do I get to update my ~wonderful~ blog, but it's FINALLY election day! Everyone will stop making such a big deal the candidates over who the want to be president! The commercials will finally stop being about the candidates! And we wil FINALLY know know who will be president!!!!$$
Who do I want to win, you ask(I know somene out there wants to know!)? Well, I personally don't care. I don't want to offend anyone, the candidates just scare me! In fact, they scare everyone in my family. My dad(only voter in my house) said he's going t write in Hillary Clinton, but I doubt tha'll be enough. If Hillary was still a candidate, I'd be voting for her, but sadly, she's now. Ah well, there's always 2012.
Anyway, I think that, to avoid hate mail saying things like "OMIGOD!!!! *insert candidate name* IS THE BEST CANDIDATE EVER!!! WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF HIM???" I should probably tell you why I'm afraid of them. Though hate comments would be better than none at all, I don't want hate comments! I'm to nice to e hated! Anyway, on with the show!
Barack Obama is te one that scares me the most. No, I'm not racist. If his scin was the only issue, there would be no issue at all. What scares me is the fact that he was on a commitee with a then terrorist. What if they're together? What is Obama is secretly heling the man? I know Obama supporters are saying it's not true, but ws if it IS? Call me paranoid, but it's us paranoid people who will save the world some day! One day we're crazy forbelieving something, the next you're al wishing you believed us. Speaking of 'believing', there's also rumors Obama will turn out to be the anti-Christ. I don't fully believe that, but you can never be too sure. I don't want an Anti-Christ terrorist as a president!
McCain is going to be a deja vu! He'll be just like Bush! And nobody likes Bush! Well, his little monkey-brained folowers and Cheney like him, but who cares about them? Nobody likes them either! I don't want another 4 years of Bush! We're in a internatonal crisis already because of Bush! Do we really want to be poor because our president is a monkey-brain? I want change! Change in a good direction! And, under McCain, either nothing will change, or it will change for the worse. America's bad enough without a creepy old man in charge!
So...that's why I don't know who I want to be president out of the two maincandidates. That also why I want either Hillary Clinton...or Ralph Nader to win. Whatever reason nobody likes them that much has got to be better than what's up with our candidates. I support wrie in candidates! Thank God we don't ned to deal with this for another 54 years!

PS, I hope nobody is offended by what I wrote. I'm just a stupid freshman with strong opinions! Don't hurt me! *cowers*

My Boo-tiful People

Happy Hallows Eve, dear readers! I decided that since Halloween was this week, I'd save my post until then(okay, I actually forgot on Tuesday, and made this decision Wednesday, but so what?) And what a Halloween it was! It was exactly what Halloween is supposed to be: Getting sugary food-stuffs with your friends in a costume that, however fun, you would never wear on a normal day.
I loved my friends! One of them was also my sister, but I'm allowed to be friends with my sister! Anyway, we decided to use code names, as to not become targets for rapists and stalkers. I was Kaylie, my sister was Savannah, and my other friends were Ember and Sam. And it was the funnest October 31 I can remember! I love you guys! Here's to more beautiful moments together!
Savannah, my dear little sister, you can always come to me for everything. I know you already knew that, and that fact should just have been supported by the laughing and fun we experienced together tonight. You can come to any of us with your problems, especially me. I'll love you forever, no matter what you do or say. You are the best little sister a girl could have.
Ember! We've been friends for so long, I can't believe we're in high school already! I'm glad you decided to come with us. You are one of the few people I can open up to, and you know almost all my secrets. I've trusted you with things I would never trust anyone else with. I hope we will be friends for many years to come, if not forever. Who ever said 'Till death do us part' only applied to married couples never had a friend as good as you.
My dear Sam! Out of the three, I've know you for the shortest time, but I still love you just as much as Savannah and Ember. You're hillarious, and I hope you never change. Since I've met you, you've changed me for the better. I hope to see you as much as possible in the coming years. Everyone needs on person in their life who can make them laugh when they're on the verge of tears. For me, that's you. I love how you defend your opinions, and don't care if we don't agree. Two years together, a lifetime to go! Life will never be boring while your around!
Oh my gosh, this is getting me choked up! The three of you are such beautiful people, I hope that we will be friends for all of our lives, and that those lives are long and as beautiful as our friendship, and as your hearts. And a quick note: just because I said something about one person, doesn't mean it only applies to them. You're all welcome to come to me with problems, as I'm comforable sharing my problems with you. You're all capable of bringing my back from that pit of depression I so often get trapped in. And most of all, I hope we are all friends for ever and a day! I believe this is the perfect moment to start a poem:

Even when death does our friendship part
We will all stay in the others' hearts.

Good-bye, and happy Halloween to all the beautiful people in the world! I hope all of you who read this can see one of your friends in at least on of the beautiful people above.

Why Are My Wings Transparent?

Besides the fact my life is uneventful right now, I thought I should offer a bit of an explanation of what this blog is, so that I'm not judged by my sob story last week. So...why do I have wings, and why are they transparent? What is this blog about? Is this girls as emo as her blog-title sounds? Will this chick EVER make her layout less boring?
Well, first of all, I'm going to add a background or something as soon as I post this. In fact, since nobody knows about this blog(that I know of, at least), I'll probably have a layout by the time someone reads this. I'll start out with a simple backgound, and add something else later on.
Anyway, 'Transparent Wings' is a blog about my life. I update it on Tuesdays, and maybe other days if I really need to talk about something. It may seem a bit depressing sometimes, but that's not my fault. I'm one of those people who bad news seems to follow. Really, who isn't like that sometimes? And besides that, I may be depressed, though nothing has been proven yet. Anyway, I'll try my best to have the sad posts be followed up by a week or two of good, but that's entirely out of my control.
I chose 'Transparent Wings' because I feel that certain types of wings often illistrate things in pictures. Now, nodody that I know of really has wings, but I think that everyone has a pair of metaphorical wings that change depending on what they're thinking. I, for instance, think that I have feathery angel wings when I'm helping people, or trying to help the world. I have dark blue fairy wings when I'm sad, and feel like I just want to fly away and become someone else, but they turn a lighter, icy blue when I'm feeling creative. When I'm thinking even thoughts, such as planning revenge or killing off a character in a fanfic, I have pointy devil wings(who didn't see that coming?). But, since nobody can see them, they are transparent. And I thought about how my blog title sounds a bit emo when I named it, but I like it. It gives me all kinds of ideas for layout designs and stuff.
Anyway, hope I didn't bore you! If anyone reads this, please at least leave a comment! I'd like to know that somebody is reading these words, so that I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't care who you are, any readers are welcome! Thanks for reading!

She's Changing Too Fast

One of my best friends is a year older than me. I thought I would be happy when I came to the high school, because we'd be in the same school, like we had been the first year of our friendship. But things changed over the summer. She began doing things Freshman and Sophmores probably shouldn't do. It began to hurt to be near her, but hurt too much to let her go. But in no way was I ready for what she told me today in school.
In 9 monthes, I will be an aunt. Not biologically, but in heart. We were so close, that what it meant to me.
My best friend is 15. She can't drive. She lives with her parents. When she come to my house, one thing she always does, or use to do, at least, was play Barbies with my sister. And she's pregnant.
For a while, I've been wishing things could go back to the way they were when we met. We use to sleep over at each others houses almost every weekend possible. We would do each others hair and make-up, play with Barbies, and stay up late watching Next. When there was a dance in school, that one year we both went to the middle school, we went together, so that neither of us would have to be alone. We told each other everything. The first two people to find out about the fact that I cut were my sister, and her. We called each other's moms as if they were our own, refering to the others as our second mom. And I was happy at her house.
All that changed last summer. The downhill roll started when she told me she had lost her virginity. I couln't believe it. I am against pre-marital sex, but she was my friend. What could I do? Tell her to get it back, somehow? Yell at her? Stop being friends? I couldn't, but she knew I didn't like it, so she didn't make a big deal about it. Then, later, I found out she was smoking as well. Her parents were okay with it, actually giving her the cigarettes. But since she knew I wouldn't like it, she promised to to smoke around me.
It all came crashing down shortly before school started. We decided to have one last sleepover before school started. If I could, I would take back that night, and never go. Maybe I could have at least saved myself some grief.
I should have known things would go sour when she was smoking when I got there, violating both her parents rules of not smoking in her room, and her promise to me. But I didn't mind, really. I was here to have fun, and wouldn't let my veiws ruin it. She was also on the phone with a guy in Utah whom she was intoduced to over the phone by another friend. She considered him her boyfriend, and had me talk to him for a bit. He had a friend who lived with him, who they decided would be my 'boyfriend'. And I agreed. I've always been too easy to push around. Over the time I was at her house that night, we spent most of the time on the phone with the guys, talking about things that make me blush. I felt bad the whole time, knowing this was wrong, and finally exploded the next morning when her sister pointed this out. I was glad to go home, hoping I could be away from the 18-year-olds from Utah, but I wasn't. She did a 3-way call with them and me that night, and they used it to get my number, and called me twice the next day, before finally making it end.
I found out something else that night at her house as well: She had done marajuana with a friend a year younger than me.
Everything was okay after that, conpared to what had happened, up until today. When she told me I was going to be an aunt, that she was pregnant, I snapped inside, and used all my energy not to show her. I realized the reason I was so unconfortable around her nowadays was because she was changing. Changing too fast. Too fast for me to keep up, not that I wanted to take the same road anyway. In a metaphor, I'm standing on a road of normal life, not good nor bad, taking a pleasant stroll, watching my friend run down the path to early adulthood, much regret, and perhaps an early death. I want so much to throw down a rope, bring her to my road, and have everything be normal, but it's too late. She's too far down the road, and I may never cross the same path as her again.
I wish my friend would slow down, be as naive as I try to stay, but I know that soon, she'll be over the horizon, and not be able to turn back. And I'll have to accept that. I love my friend like a sister, but life may force us apart, because her choices scare me to the point that even a chain of sisterly love may not be strong enough to hold us together.