She's Changing Too Fast

One of my best friends is a year older than me. I thought I would be happy when I came to the high school, because we'd be in the same school, like we had been the first year of our friendship. But things changed over the summer. She began doing things Freshman and Sophmores probably shouldn't do. It began to hurt to be near her, but hurt too much to let her go. But in no way was I ready for what she told me today in school.
In 9 monthes, I will be an aunt. Not biologically, but in heart. We were so close, that what it meant to me.
My best friend is 15. She can't drive. She lives with her parents. When she come to my house, one thing she always does, or use to do, at least, was play Barbies with my sister. And she's pregnant.
For a while, I've been wishing things could go back to the way they were when we met. We use to sleep over at each others houses almost every weekend possible. We would do each others hair and make-up, play with Barbies, and stay up late watching Next. When there was a dance in school, that one year we both went to the middle school, we went together, so that neither of us would have to be alone. We told each other everything. The first two people to find out about the fact that I cut were my sister, and her. We called each other's moms as if they were our own, refering to the others as our second mom. And I was happy at her house.
All that changed last summer. The downhill roll started when she told me she had lost her virginity. I couln't believe it. I am against pre-marital sex, but she was my friend. What could I do? Tell her to get it back, somehow? Yell at her? Stop being friends? I couldn't, but she knew I didn't like it, so she didn't make a big deal about it. Then, later, I found out she was smoking as well. Her parents were okay with it, actually giving her the cigarettes. But since she knew I wouldn't like it, she promised to to smoke around me.
It all came crashing down shortly before school started. We decided to have one last sleepover before school started. If I could, I would take back that night, and never go. Maybe I could have at least saved myself some grief.
I should have known things would go sour when she was smoking when I got there, violating both her parents rules of not smoking in her room, and her promise to me. But I didn't mind, really. I was here to have fun, and wouldn't let my veiws ruin it. She was also on the phone with a guy in Utah whom she was intoduced to over the phone by another friend. She considered him her boyfriend, and had me talk to him for a bit. He had a friend who lived with him, who they decided would be my 'boyfriend'. And I agreed. I've always been too easy to push around. Over the time I was at her house that night, we spent most of the time on the phone with the guys, talking about things that make me blush. I felt bad the whole time, knowing this was wrong, and finally exploded the next morning when her sister pointed this out. I was glad to go home, hoping I could be away from the 18-year-olds from Utah, but I wasn't. She did a 3-way call with them and me that night, and they used it to get my number, and called me twice the next day, before finally making it end.
I found out something else that night at her house as well: She had done marajuana with a friend a year younger than me.
Everything was okay after that, conpared to what had happened, up until today. When she told me I was going to be an aunt, that she was pregnant, I snapped inside, and used all my energy not to show her. I realized the reason I was so unconfortable around her nowadays was because she was changing. Changing too fast. Too fast for me to keep up, not that I wanted to take the same road anyway. In a metaphor, I'm standing on a road of normal life, not good nor bad, taking a pleasant stroll, watching my friend run down the path to early adulthood, much regret, and perhaps an early death. I want so much to throw down a rope, bring her to my road, and have everything be normal, but it's too late. She's too far down the road, and I may never cross the same path as her again.
I wish my friend would slow down, be as naive as I try to stay, but I know that soon, she'll be over the horizon, and not be able to turn back. And I'll have to accept that. I love my friend like a sister, but life may force us apart, because her choices scare me to the point that even a chain of sisterly love may not be strong enough to hold us together.